torstai 15. maaliskuuta 2012

Word of the Day: to Choose

I am feeling confidedededent.

Right now, I'm sure that I'll reach my goals. Maybe not this year, but there's always next year. I was studying psychology (yeah, wow) and something made an impact on me. It wasn't even something I should have paid attention to, it was a choice of word: something something "depending on the career you choose". Choose. Choose. It didn't say "you end up having" or "you have to settle for" or "you're barely able to achieve". It said choose. And yeah, I choose dance. But I get to choose. It's not a given, it requires a lot of work but so do other things, too. No doctor is an idler either. And most doctors, if not all, have chosen that career, I doubt they've just winded up as doctors.

I'll get better. So nothing is impossible (corny but hey, kinda true).

tiistai 13. maaliskuuta 2012

Fever when you hold me tight

I wouldn't mind at all if some greater force removed this Infectio acuta respiratoria superior non specificata from my body. Not at all. This is possibly the worst time to be a corporal runny-nosed germ concentration. On the other hand, it's never a good time to be ah-chooing but fuck it, this is definitely the worst.

I have so much to do in a barbarously short period of time. I think I might actually die. Get your half-masted flags ready everyone cause this girl is going six feet under, IF NOT MORE! Badum tsss

I have essays to write (one short autobiography, inspirational texts about acting and dancing), books to read (one about contemporary choreographers, seems interesting - but thick, since reading has never really been my way to enjoy life), and psychology and mathematics to master (yay). The small font represents apathy. To the power of ten. Plus five. Times a zillion. In that order. And besides, mastering psychology and maths is a small inconsequential detail. Yeah, let's leave it at that (that being self-deception).


After having being in charge of an entire theater production, I caught myself paying attention to new things, when I went to see a real professional play today. The esthetics, lights, props, transitions. Even though it was a small production I directed (referring to the utterly exquisite diploma work of mine, duh), it mattered. Not that I'm getting ahead of myself, I'm not hopping on the choo-choo-train to choo-choo-pompous. Just a mere observation.

Time to get back to avoiding death. Me and my fever, together forever.

sunnuntai 4. maaliskuuta 2012

Ei niin mitään

Aloitin angstilla höystetyn täytetyn kuorrutetun ja maustetun tekstin kirjoittamisen, mutta päätin talloa sen ja yrittää kirjoittaa jotain vähän kivempaa fantsumpaa kliffampaa nastampaa hauskempaa.

Talking about a writer's block

Olen täysin rakastunut. Head over heals. Täysin rakastunut musiikkimakuuni ja ipodini sisältöön. Iki-ihanien Starsien ja The Jezabelsien ja Big Scaryn ja Florence + The Machinen lisäksi sellaiset nimet kuin Apparat, Fink ja Sneaker Pimps ovat löytäneet tiensä luokseni, come home to mama jne.. Uusi musiikki tuo tullessaan aina niitä hetkiä, kun paikoillaan fiilistely, hetkeen ja musiikkiin unohtuminen tuntuu ainoalta oikealta ja aidolta asialta.

Mitäs muuta kivaa fantsuu kliffaa nastaa hauskaa keksisin


...

No helvetti eikö blogi ole muun muassa juuri sitä varten että sinne voi purkaa kaikki paskat vittumaiset kusipäiset asiat hyvällä omallatunnolla. Jos niitä ei syystä tai toisesta jaksa jakaa lähipiirille, niin eikö niistä pitäisi nyt vittu soikoon pystyä kirjoittamaan tähän itsekeskeisyyden virtuaalisen ruumiillistuman huipentumaan. Noh, minkäs teet kun päänsisäinen sensori, se haarniskaan verhoutunut vartija synkkien ajatusten ja syvimmän minäni portilla IS BACK.