either never or never

And we finally got our grades for our diploma production. I guess it really is time to say goodbye. What started off as All Eyes On Us, and finally ended up as Palanaiden ja revittyjen maa, is now over. Our baby, our first DIY production. It died young, but art babies don't live forever. The memory of them might, but the baby has to die. Sooner or later. 

I thought I had already experienced the post-production feeling of emptiness. When all is done, when there's nothing to look forward (as far as it comes to our baby). But this was the closure that said hey, it's really over now. 

What the closure doesn't know is that our school paper is doing a two-page article about the theater diplomas and we will be interviewed (which would most definitely be the case even if the editor-in-chief wasn't a close friend of ours). In your face, closure, you can lurk in the shades as much as you like. Even though the baby died, we will talk about its life as long as we shall live (well, maybe and hopefully this won't be the single high point in our lives. Surely life will reward us with other topics, too).

And it's not as if we're running out of things on our to-do list. We still have that cheerful study on the development of theater haunting our peace-seeking souls. A few books waiting to be read and a pages waiting to be filled with wise and insightful words (due in a week, eh) surely haven't killed anyone before, so even though we might not have time to breathe, I'm sure we'll end up on top, as winners.

And even after that, I'll have my final matriculation exams. And no worries, when I'm done with assuring my graduation, I'll have the whole future waiting for my contribution. Writing a bunch of preparatory essays, planning choreographs, rehearsing songs and acting scenes, practicing training training practicing, applying failing applying failing applying almost making it applying and hopefully some day succeeding.

I might have the time for a few good inhales and exhales now that one thing has come to its end, at least sort of kind of to its end. FOR IT WILL LIVE FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS AND MINDS AND THE UNIVERSE WILL REMEMBER IT AS LONG AS THERE IS EXISTENCE. It really is something to remember; when something scored 5/5 (yup, that's full marks everyone, a perfect score) the universe sure as hell should remember it for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.